How to overcome shyness when talking to strangers
· Callumbra
Shyness isn't a flaw: it's a normal reaction to the unknown. The problem comes when it stops you from meeting people you're interested in. The good news is that talking to strangers is a skill, and like any skill, it improves with practice.
Before: prepare a little
- Have three open questions ready: «where are you from?», «what do you like doing in your free time?», «what have you been learning lately?».
- Think of one or two things about yourself you like to talk about.
- Remember the other person is probably nervous too.
During: focus on the other person
Shyness grows when you focus on how you're coming across. Shift the focus: really listen to what they tell you and ask about it. Curiosity is the best tool against nerves.
Silences aren't failures
A silence of a few seconds is normal. Smile, take a breath and pick up something they said earlier: «hey, going back to what you were telling me about…».
Practice in small ways
- Say hi and make a quick comment to the cashier or the person at the café.
- Ask a question in a group or a class.
- Talk for a few minutes on video with someone new: if it doesn't flow, no big deal, you move on to another person.
After: be kind to yourself
Don't replay every sentence looking for mistakes. Keep what went well and do it again. With each conversation, the next one gets a little easier.
A place to practice
On Callumbra you can practice video conversations with new people from your browser, with nothing to install. Icebreaker ideas show up during the call and, if there's no chemistry, you tap «Next». It's 18+ only.
Frequently asked questions
Can you stop being shy?
You don't have to stop being shy: the point is that shyness doesn't hold you back. With practice in short conversations, most people find their nerves drop a lot.